Missing Nanny 3: Children and Chores

Teaching your child how to do chores not only gives them a sense of responsibility. It also lays the groundwork for good habits and it makes them feel like their contributing something important to the family.

Since I’ll be spending more time with my daughter and I won’t be able to get a lot of work done on the afternoons, I figured this would be a good time to put her in the habit of doing chores.

The way I see, getting her in the habit of doing chores is a long term investment for me. I figured the more things she can do for herself, the fewer chores I have to do. And maybe this would keep my daughter busy enough and give me time to work.

My dishwasher in training. Next I’ll have her do the laundry.

I’ve been trying to teach my daughter how to do simple household chores since she turned 2.  I know it’s possible to teach toddlers how to do chores, as seen in his video here. It’s not easy and it’s not something that they can do consistently. Chores, for a toddler, is still part of play and once that game starts to get boring, they’ll leave that and want to try something else.

Now that my daughter is 3 years old, I really want to get her into the habit of doing chores. In order to do that, I had talked with my husband and my nanny to develop a plan that we all can agree to and implement.

First, we agreed the best way to do this was to give her easy, age-appropriate chores. We all agreed that she has to get into the habit of doing these chores before we can teach her new ones. The chores we selected were

• putting away her toys and books after use
• putting her shoes and slippers back on the shoe rack after use
• putting her dirty clothes in the hamper after bathing or after changing her clothes

To make sure she does these chores, we all agreed not to do any of these chores for her. We also agreed not to allow her to do anything (like have a snack or play) until she finishes her chores.

I, on the other hand, had to promise not to nitpick and clean up after her. What’s more important is that she gets it done, not how she gets it done.

It’s been 4 days now since we started implementing this and I can say the results are promising. I still need to remind her to do her chores but at least she does it right away and without complaint.

My intentions are good and my plan is solid. The only thing I can do now is wait a few more months and see if these lessons would stick. I will update you guys to let you know if this works. Wish us luck!

Related articles

• Household Chores: Do They Hurt or Help Your Productivity? (wailingsofaworkathomemom.wordpress.com)
• age appropriate chores and free printable chore cards (seamlessdays.wordpress.com)

Missing Nanny 1: The Saga Begins

I admit that compared to most work at home moms, I’ve been luckier than most. I have a supportive husband and a full time nanny that takes care of my child while I’m working. I’ve been able to do work, have some time for myself, and relax because of my full time nanny.

So imagine my shock and fear when my nanny told me she’ll be putting in fewer hours in the next 6 weeks.

To fully understand my situation, let me give you guys some background. My nanny works for us full time but she also attends college on Sundays (she’s a 1st year ICT student). This semester, her professors required the entire class to intern for 150 hours so they could hone their skills.

She’s a really good student so finding a place that would take her wasn’t hard. The problem was the schedule. The company required her to intern for them 5 days a week, 5 hours a day every afternoon.

My nanny and I already have this routine going on. I take care of my daughter in the mornings and she takes over in the afternoon. So basically, her internship would eat up the time when I get the most work done. I’m pretty much left without a nanny for the next 6 weeks.

After sharing all this with my sister, the first thing she said to comfort me was, “This would make a great series for you blog.”

The next 6 weeks are going to be fun for me and my little pumpkin

She’s right! This would be a great series for my blog. I know how to manage my time and a few tricks that would me allow me to work. The only difference was back then, my daughter was still a baby and now she’s a toddler. I’ll need to learn new tricks, bring  my A-game, and make a few changes in the things I knew would work.

Instead of feeling sorry for myself and worrying, I’m going to put my money back where my mouth is. With a toddler in tow, it’ll be a bit more challenging but not impossible. After all, that is what we work at home moms and dads do. We adapt whenever life throws a curve ball at us, do our best, and pray really hard we don’t screw up our kids in the process.

Related articles

• Missing Nanny 2: The Return of The Alarm Clock (wailingsofaworkathomemom.wordpress.com)
• Missing Nanny 3: Children and Chores (wailingsofaworkathomemom.wordpress.com)
• Missing Nanny 4: Going to Grannies (wailingsofaworkathomemom.wordpress.com)

We’re Moving!

I’ve had so much fun blogging these past six month I decided to buy my own domain for Wailings of a Work At Home Mom! I’m so thankful to everyone who’s been following and reading Wailings for the past 6 months. And I hope you all would follow me as I move to my new home.

Image courtesy of Danilo Rizzuti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I’m still in the process of setting everything up so I can’t give an exact date yet when I’ll launch the new wailingsofawahm.com. But I can assure you it’ll be better blog with tips, stories, and jobs for work at home parents everywhere.  I’ll announce it here as soon as I have a definite launch date. You can also follow me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/WailingsOfAWorkAtHomeMom

or on Twitter https://twitter.com/JuliaMStaRomana

for more detailed updates on my upcoming move.

Again, thank you so much for reading my humble blog and I hope to see you guys as I move to my new domain!

Detachment Anxiety

One of the things that attracted me most to attachment parenting was that it made children feel secure, which in turn made them more self confident and self reliant as they grew older. This is actually one of the reasons I practiced attachment parenting with my child. I have a lot of insecurities and self doubt and this wasn’t something I wanted to pass on to my child.

Now that my child is 3 years old I am starting to see the benefits of this style of parenting. She is very secure, loving, and generous with her affection. She is also very independent and self reliant. She would insist in bathing herself and dressing herself. She can do simple chores like picking up her toys and putting away her clothes. She likes it when I let her help me with my chores like cleaning the house or washing the dishes.

I’m not a baby, I’m a little girl! / Image courtesy of Jessica Madrazo

I expected all these things. I read about them in every book and article I could find about attachment parenting. And there’s this tremendous burst of pride and happiness every time I see her reach a new milestone or learn something new. What the books didn’t talk about and what I didn’t expect was the shadow of sadness I would feel as I saw my daughter become more and more independent.

It was especially poignant today. Before I left home to run a few errands, my daughter asked permission to visit her friend’s house across the street so they could watch cartoons and play. I helped her dress up for her play date and her nanny was already there waiting to take her there and watch over her. Once she was dressed, she kissed me goodbye and walked away with her nanny. And she didn’t look back.

She  always used to look back whenever we were separated from one another. Just yesterday afternoon she looked back when she ran to play  with the neighborhood kids and I was there  with her. But  today she didn’t. I know this is because she knows that even though I have to go away every once in a while for work she’s secure in the fact that I’ll always come home to her.

As exhausting as attachment parenting can be, I love it and it has become a way of life for me. So when she starts to detach herself from me I can’t help but feel a little anxious because nothing has prepared me for it. Books, online articles, other moms rarely talk about what to expect when you see your child becoming an independent human being. I know other moms probably experience the same thing but we rarely talk about these things because we know its a selfish and insignificant emotion. What’s more important is they are becoming their own person and learning everything that they can to survive and thrive in this mad, mad world.

My in-laws have this Ilocano chant that they recite whenever they massage my daughter’s legs after bathing. It’s roughly translates to “Baby, baby, grow big quickly.” They got their wish. My baby has grown big so fast. I just didn’t expect her to grow up so fast.

“Mama, Don’t Work!!!!”

My baby after a tantrum

Last Monday I was really stressed because I have almost a hundred emails to sort through, deadlines to meet, and chores to complete. I was trying to focus to get as much work done as possible. And just when I’m right there in the zone, just when I get my momentum and it’s starting to feel like I just might be able to accomplish most of the things I’ve set out to do…that’s when my toddler start’s to throw a tantrum and screams from the top of her lungs: “MAMA, DON’T WORK!!!”

I usually have a few tricks up my sleeve to get around this problem. But for some reason, none of those tricks worked today. I tried working in another room (the out of sight, out of mind trick) but she kept banging on the door to the point that she starting hurting herself. I tried distracting her with food, toys, cartoons; nothing worked. This went on for hours. It came to the point I had no choice but to stop working and sit with her while she ate her snack.

And the funny thing was she fell asleep while eating. She wore herself out from all that crying.

I wish I could say that I have this WAHM thing all figured out and I have a fool-proof way of getting out of this situation but I don’t. Most of the tips, tricks and advice I share here do work most of the time, until they don’t. And as frustrating as it is, we often have no choice but to roll with the punches and find our own way of dealing with it.

This often means doing things we promised ourselves we’d never do once we become parents. Have you let your child watch TV for several hours straight? Guilty. Bribed them with candy in between meals? Guilty. Threw a tantrum yourself and scolded them into leaving you alone? Super guilty.

Being a work at home mom does allow you to see your kids more often than working moms but we also have to accept that we’re still working moms. It’s okay to be stressed because we have obligations outside of our homes that we do need to honor. It’s okay to feel bad when you end up having to resort to bad parenting practices in order to work. What’s more important is you try to do more good parenting practices than bad parenting practices. What’s more important is we have to always remember the reason why we became work at home moms in the first place; so we can provide for our families and be there anytime they need us the most.

Yes, I did give in to her tantrum but I was a little glad that I did. She wanted to hold my hand while eating her cornflakes. And while eating, she told me how much she liked cornflakes and her new friends here in our new house (she likes them a LOT). My baby, in her own way, is now learning how to talk and share her feelings with me. And when she was finally able to share, she finally relaxed and fell asleep.

My first serious mother and daughter talk. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

Why We Can’t Do It All

One of the biggest and the hardest lessons I learned as a work at home mom was to cut myself some slack.

It’s not that I’m overly ambitious. It’s just that when I do something, I want to do it right and do it well. This has caused me a bit of anxiety through the years but when I became a mom, that anxiety has reached to a point that it was affecting my health.

And it turns out, I’m not alone. A lot of work at home moms feel this way. Most of us did choose this lifestyle because we believed we could have it all; a good family life and career. We want to give everything we can to these two facets of our lives, sometimes to the point where we burn the candle at both ends and wear ourselves down.

Cutting myself some slack has helped me and my family rest easier.

As work at home moms, we have to accept that we can’t do at all. We can’t do it all  because and no one can. It’s not a weakness on our part, it’s a fact of life. We can’t keep our homes pristine every day of the week. We will lose patience with out children. We will get burned out when we try to do everything.

We WAHMS have to remember not to focus on the fact that we can’t do it all but rather on the fact that we have done more than what was expected of us. Focus on our blessings and not on our setbacks. Appreciate the fact that we have a little bit of everything as opposed to not having anything at all.

I may not be able to cook every meal for my family but I am with them every meal time. I may not always be the one to give my daughter a bath but I am the one who puts her to sleep. My career maybe not be what I was trained for but I know I’m doing a good job at it. My life now may not be the life that I have planned for myself, but I know I’ve done well with the cards I’ve been dealt with.

Once we learn to cut ourselves some slack, that’s when we experience the balance we’re striving for. Because balance isn’t about achieving perfection, it’s about finding peace and contentment amidst all the chaos.

The Accidental Attachment Parent

She’s so confident, she’s bored already.

I’m an advocate for attachment parenting. But I can’t really say that I got into attachment parenting because I knew about the benefits and it’s the style of parenting that I wanted to do with my child. I really got into it by accident (or looking at from another point of view, by force) and it was after I experienced the benefits of attachment parenting that I became a fan.

If you ask anyone who knew me before I had a baby if I was a baby person, they would tell you no. It’s not that I didn’t like babies, I loved them. It’s just that they’re so small and fragile and I’m really, really clumsy. I drop things. I break things. My husband actually discourages me from getting plants because they end up dying every time I try to take care of them.

So when I got pregnant, I was really more into the “leave the baby in the crib/stroller” as much possible. I love my daughter to pieces but I really didn’t trust myself to be capable enough to carry her without dropping her and causing irreparable damage.

When we got home, it turns out she’s a colicky baby. She needed to be held and carried 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If we don’t carry or hold her, she will cry REALLY, REALLY LOUD. The entire neighborhood could hear her cry. It seems like God gave her really strong lungs and vocal cords to compensate for her weak stomach.

So I was really practicing attachment parenting before I even knew about attachment parenting. I would carry her in a baby carrier while I did my chores. She would sit and/or sleep on my lap while I worked. I’d sleep beside her to make sure that she wouldn’t throw a tantrum when she woke up. There were days when the only time I could get away from her was when I had to go to the bathroom. I either had to run to my neighbor or to my friend Lei so I could have 5 minutes of peace to use the john.

Because I had to be attached to my daughter most of the day, I eventually got over my fear of dropping her. I became more careful, more conscious, more aware of how my actions affect my child. I started to appreciate the fact that I was so in tune with her needs. And I was proud of the fact that she was growing so confident, secure, and sure of herself; traits that I wish I had for myself.

I may have been forced into attachment parenting, but I can’t deny that it has been good for me and my baby. If I could do it all over again, I’d still do attachment parenting and I’d be a lot more willing.

WAHM’s Night Off

Today is my birthday but last night he gave me one of the best gifts I had in a  long time: time off to go to the movies with my friends to watch Magic Mike.

I’m not saying he gave me time off from work. I’m saying he gave me time off from being a mom. He drove me to the mall, told me to not think about him and our daughter for the next few hours, wished me a Happy Birthday, and drove away. And that’s exactly what I did. We window shopped, watched the movie, had a bit of girl talk before going home to our respective spouses/partners/kids.

I was so touched that he saw how much I needed that. A few hours where I can enjoy being with my friends and leave my identity as a mom behind.

All work and no play

My sister says I have a nurturing personality. Once I had my daughter, my life started to revolve around her. It’s not that I don’t adore my family, it’s just that I do get burned out sometimes; especially since I’m with my baby 24/7. And what’s weird about me is I feel guilty for wanting some time off! It’s like there’s this 1950’s housewife in my head telling me that mother should never get tired of taking care of my family.

When you’re a work at home mom, it’s sooooo easy to become isolated from the outside world. And when you’re caught between deadlines and diaper changes, you get into this mindset that you have to make every minute  count for something. Those few hours just hanging with my friends, watching a movie and just doing nothing is a break from all of that.

I know I could have used those hours catching up on a bit more work or taking care of my daughter. But I needed NOT to do those things. My husband and friends showed me that sometimes I need to step away from being a wife/mom/WHAM so I can become a better person overall. I needed to remind myself that there’s more to me than what I do and I can have a richer life because of it.

10 Realities WAHMs Must Face

A friend of mine shared this article on Facebook about the realities of being a work-at-home mom. The things listed in this article really do happen to WAHMs, but it doesn’t have to be your reality. I’m not saying that these things won’t happen to you. I’m just saying that there are ways that can help you manage these realities and make being a WAHM an easier experience. Here’s my response to some of the problems that was posted in this article.

Reality no. 1: You may not have time to make homecooked meals after all

Alternate Reality 1-1: You don’t have to cook homecooked meals everyday. What I do is I often cook in bulk on the days that I do have time to cook. That way, we still have the savings and the nutritional benefits of a homecooked meal. We refrigerate or freeze those meals after cooking and only microwave what we can eat.

Alternate Reality 1-2: It doesn’t have to be a homecooked meal everyday. When my husband and I get tired of our own cooking, so we get take out or we have food delivered to our house. We don’t do this often, just enough to beak the monotony of homecooked meals.

Reality no. 2: You still won’t be there all day for the children.

Alternate Reality 2-1: Wait until your kids are old enough for school before becoming a WAHM. This is the strategy that my sister did to make sure that she’ll get the amount of work time she needed but would still have time for her son. She used to work in an office but became a WAHM when her son started going to grade school. “I get my straight 8 hours of work while he’s at school and still get to focus my energies on him when he’s at home.”

Alternate Reality 2-2: Work around your kid’s sleeping/TV/play schedule. It’s really hard to be a WAHM when your child is still a baby or a toddler. What a couple of my friends did is they worked around their child’s sleeping/TV/play schedule. This means they would work while their child is napping in the afternoons and at night. One friend of mine who is also a WAHM actually set up playdates for her son with the neighbors so she could squeeze in 2 more hours of work within the day. And when “Dora The Explorer” is on, I try to squeeze in as much writing as I could in those 30 minutes.

Reality no. 3: Your productivity will go down.

Alternate Reality 3-1: Get a maid/nanny/household help. Being a work at home mom doesn’t mean you’re a superwoman. Working 8-10 hours everyday, even if it’s in your own home, can be pretty exhausting. I tried being a WAHM before without a nanny and it almost drove me crazy with exhaustion. I thought I could do it all. I finally gave it to my husband’s pleas and we got ourselves household help during weekdays. It was a lifesaver. I was able to work and take care of my daughter without having to worry about  the household chores.

Alternate Reality 3-2: Set up a work station or home office away from the distracting elements of home. My husband knew I’m easily distracted when he turns on the TV. In our first apartment, he set up a work station for me (just a desk to hold my laptop and some papers) that looked out of the window and he moved the TV out of our room. Over time, I’ve learned how to tune out the TV. But to make sure I’m not distracted by it, I set my work table to face away from the TV and I usually have my earphones on when I work.

Reality no. 4: You may miss adult companionship.

Alternate Reality 4-1: Network and meet up with other WAHMs. My sister is also a WAHM and we both agree that adult companionship is one of the things we miss the most about working in an office. What we did was we set up “work dates” so we can work together in one place. We sometimes go to my mom’s house so she can play with our kids while we work. We sometimes work at my house. And sometimes we meet up with other WAHMs we know and work in their houses, coffee shops, or in shared work space. It keeps us sane because we’re able to meet up with people who can relate to our situation and we’re still able to have some of the camaraderie we missed working in an office.

Reality no. 5: You may miss eating out. 

Alternate Reality 5-1: Food delivery services. I’ve already explained this in Alternate Reality 1-2. It’s normal to be bored with your own cooking. That’s why we sometimes have pizza, pasta and Japanese food delivered to our house.

Alternate reality 5-2: Eat out every once in a while. My husband works in a call center so his schedule can be pretty erratic. There are days when the only way we get to spend some quality time together is to run errands or do the groceries. We make those days extra special by making it a “mini-date” and eating out.

Reality no. 6: You may miss the office itself.

Still haven’t found the solution for this one. I do miss the conveniences only an office can provide (mainly the air conditioning). One thing my sister and aunt suggested is that we hire an accountant that would do all the SSS, Philhealth, and Pag-ibig filing for us. Maybe it would be cheaper if we file as a group. Will get back to you guys once we have this ironed out.

Reality no. 7: Work can be seasonal.

Alternate Reality 7-1: Setting up a separate account for fixed bills. My aunt works as a consultant and she does go through some lean months. What she does to make sure all the bills are paid is to set up a separate account for all the fixed bills (utilities, tuition, taxes, contributions, etc). She makes sure to put in as much into that account until she has enough to pay for an entire year. That way, when the lean months do come, she doesn’t have to worry about not having enough to pay for the bills.

Alternate Reality 7-2: Get a different job during the lean months. Most of my aunt’s clients are international organizations. During her lean months, she does consulting work for local organizations and does some part-time writing and accounting. It doesn’t pay as much as her regular gig but at least she’s still getting something. These part-time gigs has also allowed her to network with different people that would eventually give her bigger and better paying jobs.

Reality no. 8: Client payments get delayed.

see Alternate Realities 7-1 and 7-2.

Reality no. 9: There’s no such thing as holidays.

Sadly, there’s really no way around this. It’s the price you have to pay when you want a flexible work schedule.

Reality no. 10: If you don’t have a high level of self-discipline, you can very easily fail.

I noticed that the most successful work at home moms are usually the ones who have either worked in an office or had their business before they became WAHMs. You need a lot of discipline and an established work ethic before you can become a WAHM. However, if you really want to be a work at home and you don’t have prior work experience, it’s recommended that you start with a part-time job first.  If you find it too hard to finish a part-time job in the allotted time, then maybe being a WAHM isn’t for you.

Welcome To The Wonderful World of WAHMs (Work At Home Moms)

 

You’ve probably heard of the stay at home mom. You’ve probably also heard of the working mom. And I’m sure you’ve also heard about what right and wrong with these two types of mom.

Stay at home moms have the benefit of being there for their kids, but most of the time it’s at the expense of the careers.

Working moms have jobs and careers that allow them to contribute to the family finances. But they often feel like they’ve missed out on a lot of important moments in their children’s lives.

The one thing these two types of moms have in common is the regret that they can’t have it all. If you want a career, you need to sacrifice time with your family. If you want a fulfilling family life, your career would have to take the backseat.

That was back then. Now, there’s a new breed of moms. Moms that have the financial security of a paying job or a booming business while working at home. Moms that are there with their kids 24/7 but also have jobs or careers that challenge and enrich them. Welcome to the era of the WAHM or the Work At Home Mom.

Yes, my fellow moms. It is possible to have it all. It’s not going to be easy but it is possible. Let’s all help each other to have it all; a happy family, a fulfilling career, and a good life.